ramblings at 3 a.m.
I miss who I used to be. I need to start reading more. I should go to sleep. I don’t like being the only one awake. I get lonely but I like being alone. You mean something to me. I have a love/hate relationship with my insomnia. I write best in the early hours of the morning. watching the sun come up at 6 a.m. is unbelievable. I wish I was skinnier even though I know I am. I’m still trying to come to terms with myself. Even though I have a vague idea of how I want to spend the rest of my life- I don’t actually know how I’m going to get there. Sometimes I hate it here. I could use a real friend. I know me the best. I’m afraid to say how I really feel most of the time. i love but don’t hate.i don’t know what to believe in anymore. because of you, I find it hard trusting anyone at all. Sometimes I wish you hadn’t left me but I’m doing fine on my own. You give me the best advice even when I think you’re wrong. You confuse me but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some days I think I’m the only one who gets me. i wish I had a record player. If I could sit for hours and listen to records, I would.i.it seems like everyone I care for is a million miles away. If i could read away my life, I probably would.i wonder why people change. I don’t understand why you can’t be how you used to be. I’m afraid of growing up and figuring out what I’m going to do. I wish I could actually sleep peacefully everyday. I like knowing other people who twitter during their insomnia (Ryan & Pete), it makes me feel like I’m not the only one. Sometimes when I just sit and think I can come up with entire story plots and write it down mentally in my brain. I only write in cursive. I have done so much already- that when I think what I want to do next, the list is endless. I don’t like Brazil.I wish they would just Reject Prop 8 already. I want to go to Gay Pride one day. I don’t even know why I care so much about gay rights, other than they should have equality. I’d love to become a gay rights activist one day. I’ve had writers block for over three months. I can’t ever read what I write more than two times.I think I should finish the stories I started but never finished before writing new things. i have a lot of respect for Peta. I cuss way too much, if you know me really well. I love going to shows a lot. I don’t actually know how many shows I’ve ever been to, but I don’t feel like thinking about the numbers.i barely watch tv.i have a whole folder dedicated to only editorials and runway shots. Noone has disappointed me as much as you have. Sometimes I don’t even think you deserve to be happy, but I know I’m not that cruel. Nylon is really inspiring to me. I’m afraid to love, but I know that I love you.i miss the past. I wish I had more self- control. I miss my long hair. i don’t actually know what’s keeping me from writing what I want to. I like shitty techno. My music taste is weird, for a lack of a better word.i like to write all of my problems down and then trash the piece of paper, it makes me feel better. I can’t go a day without my blackberry, and I know that’s sad.I only like Fall because of Fashion Week.I miss drinking large amounts of coffee.i have low- self esteem.i want a tattoo on my wrist. I’m cold a lot. I don’t actually know why I’m doing this.the song ‘Saturday’ will always mean something to me.
-just something i wrote to pass the time.all of these ‘truths’ are about people or things, no names mentioned.i just wanted to clear my head a little bit.
